Girls weekend trip tonight, something I look forward to every year. We always go to my friends cabin and to a fall festival, to the bar and drink by the fire. The weekend is a blast. I was starting to pack around 10pm last night and my phone rang, I looked down and saw it was my parents. My heart stopped because my mom is always in bed by 9pm because she gets up early for work. I answered the phone cautiously and I heard something was wrong in her voice.
"Nikki, I have some bad news" I heard on the other end. My heart stopped. "Amanda was just killed in a car accident...we do not know anything, her friend just called Uncle Mike, they haven't even got word yet."
My heart stopped. She was talking about my cousin. I did not know her well, but she is my aunts step daughter. She always spent Thanksgiving with us and holidays. She was a quiet girl, 18, I was just at her graduation party in July. According to her facebook she was quiet until she got around her friends...like every other 18 year old.
I am sick over this. Being a mother now, everything about life changes. Now I put myself in my Uncles shoes, how does one get the news that their child is dead? We are supposed to outlive our children, and now my Uncle is picking out his daughters last outfit. I can't stop crying. Why was life cut so short on this wonderful young lady? She never did anything wrong, besides the same old teenage crap that we all put our parents through. Why does God do this?
I was up late talking to my cousin Karly that I am very close to. We are so upset over this. I am at a loss for words. I just can not imagine having to bury my child. I never even thought about it.
I was never religious, ever. I never believed in a God...but the more I talked to Karly last night and tried to make sense of everything, the more I started to believe. "There is a reason everyone is on this earth" Karly said...and it really made sense...and she is right. I believe Amanda's reason for being on this earth and taken so soon is simple...to make everyone realize that life is short, to take advantage of everything, never take life for granted, and love everyone to the fullest. I believe that is what God put us on this earth for. I now am a believer in God. I really do...and I can't believe it took this young girls death to make me a believer...but maybe that was what she was put on this earth to do for me. I will never know.
I sit here and just stare at my child...I hope that his reason was not put on this earth to die at a young age. I honestly would never be able to handle it. never.
I hope Amanda is flying with the Angels today...I hope she doesn't have a care in the world....I hope she is hugging her father and making him strong. I hope she is at peace.
Amanda, even though your life was cut short, I learned a lot from all this. I thank you for that. I really do. I will never forget you, and do not worry...I will be there for your family and help them to get through this. You are going to be missed by all. I love you.