Monday, June 28, 2010

Learn to keep your mouth shut...please!

I am annoyed but I do not know how to address the situation when it happens. This past weekend I had to go to a baby shower. Of course no one really likes going to those things, but you go to see people and socialize. I didn't bring Xavier because I really just wanted to get in there and get out...and I didn't feel like chasing after a toddler the whole time. Well, a certain family member just thinks they know everything about me and proceeds to talk to people about me, and they do not know they are hurting my feelings while they are doing it.

Let me start by saying after I had Xavier I told everyone I wanted at least 6 more kids...of course I was exaggerating but I love kids, babies, everything about being a mom. Well, a month into being a new mom I developed a Pulmonary Embolism and a DVT and was in the hospital for 12 days, honestly I almost didn't make it out of the hospital. Well, after I got out I still told people I wanted more kids. Then a month after I got out of the hospital I went back in because of my that out and still told people I wanted more kids. Then came the day I went to my OBGYN check up and she sat me down and said with all my clots and things she would advise me to rethink about having anymore kids. I put on a face and went with it. I talked to my husband and I came to the decision I didn't care about what the doctor said I wanted to try again anyway. WELL, we tried last summer and nothing, and I look at it as a good thing because I woke up one morning and decided that Xavier and Andrew were too important to chance my life just because I wanted more kids. There was other ways of having children that didn't risk my life...and honestly our life as a little family of 3 (6 if you count the cats) was perfect. This was our decision...just between Andrew and I. I then told my close family Xavier was going to be the only child for now, and I was not having anymore children. I thought that my past was enough to explain why I was not having anymore kids.

Well, that brings me to yesterday. We are sitting there and someone asked me where Xavier was. I told them "He was home with his dad...they were having a boys day, and to be honest I needed a little break." This certain family member proceeds to say "Oh yes, when Xavier was born she said she wanted 6 kids, now that he is a toddler she says she is not having anymore." Ummmm...this is not true, and I do not want ANYONE to think that my child is making me not have another baby. I then have to go on to make it clear that it is our decision due to health issues we are not having anymore children. I do not know how to tell this person that my toddler is not the reason we are not having anymore children. I would not like him to grow up and then hear this, because this little boy is one of the best little boys in the world. Yes, of course I vent about him doing things, but its toddler things...nothing I can not handle. If it wasn't for my clots there is no doubt in my mind that I would either be pregnant now, or sitting here holding a baby.

Not only does it bother me that I have to make it clear its not Xavier s fault we are not having more kids, when I bring up my health issues it makes me relive everything. Of course I still would love to be pregnant again. I think about it everyday of my life. I wish I would of enjoyed being pregnant just a little more, if I would of known that was going to be my only pregnancy. I wish I would of laid awake a little more at night watching my stomach move.

I have a mouth, I wish people would just leave things unsaid. Sometimes it is not anyone's business.



Shell said...

Oh, how hurtful. I'm sorry. I wouldn't know what to say to that, either. I'd want to kick her, at least.

Jessica Warrick said...

oh wow i can see how that would hurt your feelings and i agree people should mind there own business.

Jessica Warrick said...

by the way thank you for having my button on your blog. im the Punk Rock

Martini Mama said...

Thank you everyone for your comments. I do not want to hurt this persons feelings by letting them know they are hurting my feelings, because I know they are not doing it on purpose. Does that make sense? I need a drink.

Katie said...

Honey - different situation - but totally feeling you.

I just got divorced. Swore I would never let that happen...and even if he did make it happen I would be faithful to him and keep praying and wouldn't even consider dating again.



That last part hasn't worked out so well...not dating yet...but definitely open to it now and "know" I will receive a few "well meaning" comments when I do.

Open mouth...insert foot...a disease I wear well.