"Shut-Up"

If I had to pick one word that I thought was the worst word in the world it would have to be "shut-up." I hate it, I can not stand when someone says it to me and I can not stand saying it to someone else. I promised myself when I had a child I would not be one of those parents that said this to their kids. Why? It is simple, I do not what my kid to turn around and say it to me. I honestly can't stand the word. When it comes out of someones mouth it just seems to negative. I would rather hear a cuss word rather then "shut-up."
I have caught Andrew twice telling Xavier to "shut up" and I got on him about it each time. I told him my reasoning and Andrew agreed but he was just caught up in the moment and it came out. I still told Andrew that was not a good excuse and to please watch it....well.....!

Last night there were kids outside screaming, at first it sounded like there was a big fight outside so I went over to the window and opened it to "be nosey." I kept telling Xavier to be quiet over and over again because it seemed like as soon as I opened the window to listen to make sure nothing was wrong outside he got louder and louder. Well he screamed one more time and I turned around and it came out...." shhuuut-up xavier!" As soon as I said it I wanted to take it back, I wanted to rewind time and take it back. The one thing I promised I would never say to my child just came out of my mouth. I didn't take it back right away, I wanted to crawl into a hole and bury myself forever. I finally figured out it was just kids being kids outside and I sat back down on the couch and just thought about what I said. Andrew didn't say anything about it, but I know he wanted to, because I was the one that always got on him for "the word."

I sat there for a good half hour just thinking about it and not saying anything. Finally I called Xavier over and told him momma was sorry for telling him to "shut up" and that it is not a word I like and I did not mean to tell him this. I told him it is not a nice word blah blah blah. I got done explaining this to him and I said "do you understand" and he turned around and said "okay" and went on back to playing with his toy kitchen.

I feel better that I apologized to Xavier, even though he probably doesn't fully understand what I said. I still wish that I could take back that moment. I guess that is a mommy moment that I learned from...and something that I will never forget.