Sunday, September 26, 2010

Rules of grocery shopping....for dummies

Grocery shopping was hell today. HELL I TELL YOU! I even went during the Steelers game Pittsburgh that is like working on Christmas Day. Usually the stores are empty so  I figured I could run in and run out. WRONG! The only thing I got was a bad mood. These are my rules that should be followed in every grocery store...if these simple life rules were followed grocery shopping would be a stress free happy place!

-Walking up an aisle and seeing something you want to look at and just STOPPING OUT OF NO WHERE.

This is something one should never ever do when in the grocery store, not unless you want your ass hit with my grocery cart. I love doing this...and I will do it to you (and make it look like a complete accident of course). When you see something that you want to stop and look at, always make sure there is no one behind is just rude...and make sure you look especially if the aisle is packed and there are people coming from the opposite direction.

-Reaching over me when I am stopped and looking at something

When I am stopped and parked on the side of an aisle doing something...anything from reading a label to twittering (yes I do this) DO NOT REACH OVER ME! Did your momma not teach you the 2 words of life...
"Excuse Me" Seriously....I will move...I promise to never be a bitch to long as you please use those 2 words.

-When you see a person stopped and moved out of the way (such as standing far enough back from what I am looking at so carts can get by) DO NOT stop in front of me and start looking at the same stuff I am looking at....

Ever hear of "you make a better door then you do a window" ya...what makes a person do this, I will never know. I don't know if they are that dumb or just that rude. This seems to always happen to me...I just do not get it. When it does happen I will make sure you hear about it...usually with big "sighs" or I will use the rude toned "excuse me."

-Stopping in the middle of everything for a family reunion. 

This is a grocery store...I do not care if you are seeing your grandma that you haven't seen in NOT NOT NOT stop and just talk in the middle of an aisle and reminisce. What gets me the most, when this happens and I politely use the 2 words of life "excuse me" I get the rude looks for interrupting their conversations. Seriously? What gets me is when this one is mixed with seeing someone and just stopping w/out looking behind you and I have to hit your ass with my cart!

okay....lets pretend all the shopping is done...let me go to the one rule of the parking lot that everyone must read....

-Waiting for someone to put their groceries in the car to get their spot! 

This is the number 1 rules that a person needs to follow...if you do not follow any of my other rules...please please please follow this one. If you are that lazy to either drive around a few more times to find another spot, or just want mine because it is close...DO NOT WAIT! I love it when someone does wait (and yes, if I do see someone waiting I do move like a snail) then beeps and gets mad because when I get in the car I do not leave right away. I like to get in my car, get comfy, find a station on the radio, check my twitter/phone, and maybe even open my water and have a few sips. If I know someone is waiting these steps go slow. How can you wait for someones spot when you do not actually know if they are leaving. How do you know they are not waiting for another family member to get done in the store? I will sit in my spot as long as I have to until your lazy ass moves. IT IS MY DAMN SPOT UNTIL I MOVE.....not until you want me to move!

Live by these rules and life would be so much easier!

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