Let me start by saying after I had Xavier I told everyone I wanted at least 6 more kids...of course I was exaggerating but I love kids, babies, everything about being a mom. Well, a month into being a new mom I developed a Pulmonary Embolism and a DVT and was in the hospital for 12 days, honestly I almost didn't make it out of the hospital. Well, after I got out I still told people I wanted more kids. Then a month after I got out of the hospital I went back in because of my gallbladder...got that out and still told people I wanted more kids. Then came the day I went to my OBGYN check up and she sat me down and said with all my clots and things she would advise me to rethink about having anymore kids. I put on a face and went with it. I talked to my husband and I came to the decision I didn't care about what the doctor said I wanted to try again anyway. WELL, we tried last summer and nothing, and I look at it as a good thing because I woke up one morning and decided that Xavier and Andrew were too important to chance my life just because I wanted more kids. There was other ways of having children that didn't risk my life...and honestly our life as a little family of 3 (6 if you count the cats) was perfect. This was our decision...just between Andrew and I. I then told my close family Xavier was going to be the only child for now, and I was not having anymore children. I thought that my past was enough to explain why I was not having anymore kids.
Well, that brings me to yesterday. We are sitting there and someone asked me where Xavier was. I told them "He was home with his dad...they were having a boys day, and to be honest I needed a little break." This certain family member proceeds to say "Oh yes, when Xavier was born she said she wanted 6 kids, now that he is a toddler she says she is not having anymore." Ummmm...this is not true, and I do not want ANYONE to think that my child is making me not have another baby. I then have to go on to make it clear that it is our decision due to health issues we are not having anymore children. I do not know how to tell this person that my toddler is not the reason we are not having anymore children. I would not like him to grow up and then hear this, because this little boy is one of the best little boys in the world. Yes, of course I vent about him doing things, but its toddler things...nothing I can not handle. If it wasn't for my clots there is no doubt in my mind that I would either be pregnant now, or sitting here holding a baby.
Not only does it bother me that I have to make it clear its not Xavier s fault we are not having more kids, when I bring up my health issues it makes me relive everything. Of course I still would love to be pregnant again. I think about it everyday of my life. I wish I would of enjoyed being pregnant just a little more, if I would of known that was going to be my only pregnancy. I wish I would of laid awake a little more at night watching my stomach move.
I have a mouth, I wish people would just leave things unsaid. Sometimes it is not anyone's business.
