I wish they would of told me....

There are so many things that I wish someone would of sat me down and told me before I became a mom, hell maybe they did and I just said "that will never happen to me." Don't deny it, we have all done it. Well, I wish I would of listened. I think my friends with kids should of taken me to a bar daycare and made me sit there with a bunch of kids in their terrible 2's for a few hours, I would of ran and got my tubes tied right then and there. Seriously, I love my child and I would never change having him for a million dollars, I just wish I was more prepared for the monster that was going to be unlocked when he turned 2.

No one ever told me that I would never ever ever have a 100% clean house again. Why did no one mention this to me. I can clean for hours and hours and my house can be spotless, but then I go into the first room I started in and it looks like I have not touched it. Seriously! I don't know how someone so little can make the mess that he does. I couldn't do it if I tried. He is very talented making it look like mommy has done nothing all day. I give him credit for being talented, I just wish I would of known my house would never look the same again.

No one ever told me I would never have a minute to myself again. I can not even go upstairs and take a poop by myself. Before I had a child my cat Tobie would come in while I went to the bathroom, which was fine I would just throw something at him and he would leave. (lol) I can't just throw something at my son, I have tried, he just thinks I am playing catch with him. *i kid* My secret (and I am sure all momma's have done this at least once) getting a nice big poop attack when their hubby comes home, take up the iphone or a good book, lock the door and "poop" for a hour. Seriously, it has come down to be fake pooping just to get away! How sad is that? Don't act like you have never done it...and if you didn't I am sure you are thinking "that is the worlds best idea." Justs remember to spray something after to make it even more believable! *wink*

No one ever told me I would talk like a toddler...even when I am not with my toddler. I know it has to drive my husband crazy because I will talk to him like a toddler, and I don't even realize I am doing it. Everyone that never had kids is the ones that hated the way Kate Gosselin would talk to her husband, but everyone with kids could relate, because seriously, it just happens. When you are around a toddler all day (and she had 8 kids...God bless her) you learn to talk like them, you reason with them, everything. I long for the days that I would talk to lenders and be screamed at on the phone to get them their settlement statement. Little did I know I had it good back then...at least they were ADULTS!

Anyone wanting to be a "stay at home mom" just come over to my house for a day, I promise you, as much as you love your children, you will keep your day job. It is not as easy as you might think. Look around at your house, and them imagine it 10 times worse because you are home all day. I wish we were out of the house all day, at least it would stay somewhat clean. Then imagine waking up in the morning and craving about 3 shots of vodka to start your day rather then your morning coffee! Oh ya, there are days you want it.

Is it nap time yet?